Mama Sol Tip Mondays
Recently there was a blog post floating around the Facebook universe where a mama bravely and honestly discussed her experience with Postpartum Anxiety. She told a story of how, for her, and for many other mamas out there postpartum anxiety often will manifest itself as this all consuming rage. I sat there reading with a lump in my throat as the tears filling my eyes began to blur the screen.
I watched as comment after comment poured in, each from a mama who like me and the mama in the post had all battled the same demons.
Don't get me wrong, motherhood is amazing. It's just not amazing all the time and that's ok. I wish moms felt safe enough to say that out loud more, because if we did, we'd realize that we weren't losing ourselves or our minds and maybe we could share how we get through this hard stuff. Motherhood, especially new motherhood, can be so isolating. Weird, I know, since with social media it seems like we'd be more connected than ever, but we've gotten so far away from the village. Mamas simply don't have the same village to rely on for guidance and love that they used to.
So I have this idea to share about the hard, ugly, honest stuff, and I want to call it Mama Sol Tip Mondays. Every Monday (ok, read: whenever mom and doula life doesn't get in the way) I want to share an honest tidbit about motherhood and how I cope or maybe have other mamas share about something they wish someone had told them about. Maybe it'll help someone, maybe it won't, but if it's chicken soup for even just one mama's sol... it'll be worth it.
That's where babywearing comes in.
Something that was brought up at a recent babywearing training I attended really hit home and described exactly why I love babywearing so much. And that is that it can be as practical and need based or as loving and sentimental as you need it to be at any moment, on any given day. Your relationship with and how you babywear grows and changes just as much as you will after becoming a mama.
On the hard days it was purely for having two free hands - to change diapers, feed babies, pick up messes, and maybe (if i was lucky) eat something, brush my teeth and comb my hair. It was for always knowing where are at least one of my tiny humans was.
On the good days, when we began to find our new normal, it gave me an opportunity to reconnect with first toddler. To hold him and be with just him for a moment, something we both missed and needed. It made me slow down. It was healing in a way I never anticipated, especially after a cesarean birth. To be able to wrap my boys on my body and have it be a place of safety, comfort, and love after feeling like my body had failed at giving birth was everything.
So if I could offer up just one tip to the newly minted mamas of one or two or three... it would be wear all the babies. Any carrier will do. Don't be afraid to try more than one and own a few. Over the past 3 and a half years, I've tried a few myself. Woven wraps. Ring slings. Buckle carriers. Currently I own one of each. So let me tell you, we've spent a lot of money on useless baby gear preparing for parenthood the last few years, but I've never regret a penny I spent on a good carrier.
I watched as comment after comment poured in, each from a mama who like me and the mama in the post had all battled the same demons.
"I'm not alone."
So many of us... We were all struggling in the same ways. We might have felt alone on this journey, but we weren't. And I thought, "why don't we talk about this more?!" This, you know, the hard stuff. The ugly stuff. The honest and scary stuff about motherhood. We need to. We should be, and we should also be talking about how we deal with all this hard, ugly, honest and scary stuff.
When I was pregnant each time, I don't recall a single person telling me how:
After a cesarean (or vaginal birth) you will literally be scared to shit. Seriously, girl I'm not even kidding. I wanted to cry, and it felt like my insides were going to fall out.
Or how much hair falls out! Why don't more moms talk about this?! As if it's not enough to have to learn to love your body after this huge transformation, you have to learn to do it while (what feels like) you're going bald.
What about "the weepies" as I so affectionately like to call them. Another symptom of postpartum anxiety... tears that just come, uninvited, ALL the DAMN time. It's horrible.
How some days you're going to feel like you're giving 150% and your partner is giving 10%, and they are going to feel the same way about you, BUT really in reality both of you are giving 100% of everything you have, and although it feels hard. You're doing it. Together.
Or what about how breastfeeding isn't always this magical unicorns and cuddles and kisses experience - When you first start your nipples feel like death, sometimes you'll just do it because it's free, and sometimes you'll be so touched out but you'll do it anyways, wherever you can find a spot to sit that isn't covered in spit up and old gold fish crumbs from trying to keep your toddler occupied.
and then there's potty training... Good LORD. Why didn't anyone tell me how hard it is to teach a tiny, strong willed human how to pee in a toilet.
Don't get me wrong, motherhood is amazing. It's just not amazing all the time and that's ok. I wish moms felt safe enough to say that out loud more, because if we did, we'd realize that we weren't losing ourselves or our minds and maybe we could share how we get through this hard stuff. Motherhood, especially new motherhood, can be so isolating. Weird, I know, since with social media it seems like we'd be more connected than ever, but we've gotten so far away from the village. Mamas simply don't have the same village to rely on for guidance and love that they used to.
So I have this idea to share about the hard, ugly, honest stuff, and I want to call it Mama Sol Tip Mondays. Every Monday (ok, read: whenever mom and doula life doesn't get in the way) I want to share an honest tidbit about motherhood and how I cope or maybe have other mamas share about something they wish someone had told them about. Maybe it'll help someone, maybe it won't, but if it's chicken soup for even just one mama's sol... it'll be worth it.
For this week, let's talk having your second (or third or fourth) baby. It's hard. Seriously, mom's of multiples you are my hero! Some days it felt there was never enough time, enough hands, enough sleep or patience... Heck, it just felt like I. wasn't. enough. Not everyday. There were days that filled parts of my heart I didn't know existed full to the brim but some days were just hard.
That's where babywearing comes in.
Something that was brought up at a recent babywearing training I attended really hit home and described exactly why I love babywearing so much. And that is that it can be as practical and need based or as loving and sentimental as you need it to be at any moment, on any given day. Your relationship with and how you babywear grows and changes just as much as you will after becoming a mama.
On the hard days it was purely for having two free hands - to change diapers, feed babies, pick up messes, and maybe (if i was lucky) eat something, brush my teeth and comb my hair. It was for always knowing where are at least one of my tiny humans was.
On the good days, when we began to find our new normal, it gave me an opportunity to reconnect with first toddler. To hold him and be with just him for a moment, something we both missed and needed. It made me slow down. It was healing in a way I never anticipated, especially after a cesarean birth. To be able to wrap my boys on my body and have it be a place of safety, comfort, and love after feeling like my body had failed at giving birth was everything.
So if I could offer up just one tip to the newly minted mamas of one or two or three... it would be wear all the babies. Any carrier will do. Don't be afraid to try more than one and own a few. Over the past 3 and a half years, I've tried a few myself. Woven wraps. Ring slings. Buckle carriers. Currently I own one of each. So let me tell you, we've spent a lot of money on useless baby gear preparing for parenthood the last few years, but I've never regret a penny I spent on a good carrier.
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